In today’s whirlwind of a world, conforming to societal expectations can feel like the path of least resistance. But have you ever stopped to ask what truly defines you? If you’re feeling lost and unsure of your goals, values, and aspirations, you’re not alone. This post offers a practical, step-by-step process that I’ve personally found helpful in getting a clear picture of who I want to be, and where I should go (and not go) to get there.
This is the first article in a two-part series where we focus on establishing the foundation of your inner philosophy. In the second article (click box icon to view), I elaborate how this foundation can help you acquire a stronger sense of self and provide guidance and direction for leading a more fulfilling life.
Each time we say “yes” to one thing, it inherently means saying “no” to nine others. Faced with an overwhelming array of options, doubt creeps in, causing us to question our decisions before we’ve even had the chance to act on them. This cycle can be incredibly frustrating, leaving us feeling stuck in a state of indecision and inaction.
I’m sure many of us have tried to ‘find our compass’ by cherry-picking the values that most speak to us from an inexhaustible list, or trying to grip the steering wheel by ranking everything we want to do in order of priority.
While amiable in their intention, these exercises never seem to really ‘stick,’ and outcomes are likely forgotten with the first guitar-playing-DIY-video that appears on our screen.
Reason being (I think) that these exercises don’t consider us as we are: intricate, complex and deeply integrated. Our values or goals do not exist in isolation, whereas these exercises make it seem as if they do.
In this post, I want to share a personal exercise I undertook a few months ago. Given that I continue to benefit from its outcomes, I can assert that, at least for me, it has proven to be the most impactful exercise to date!
Before we delve into the specifics of this detailed method, it’s important to note that it demands a significant amount of time and focus. This exercise leans more towards self-discovery than mere self-evaluation. It centres around posing deep, introspective questions to yourself, of which the quality (and usefulness) of the answers is directly proportional to the time spent formulating them.
To give you an idea, completing this exercise to a level I found satisfying took me about a day. Keep in mind, that duration included the time I spent refining the method as I went along. I recommend setting aside at least half a day to go through it properly. If you don’t have the time right now, I encourage you to bookmark this page and return to it when you’re ready.
Lastly; the method appeals to my own way of working, which is highly organised and systematic. I am well-aware that this does not speak to everybody, so feel free to tailor it to your own wants and needs. Below, I have attached a brief summary of the method such that you can quickly get an idea of whether this exercise is worth exploring for you!
The exercise begins by asking you to pinpoint your key values, aspirations, goals, habits, and principles. By connecting these aspects, you create a detailed picture of how your actions (what—habits, goals, and principles) shape who you are (who—aspirations) and what motivates you (why—values). Establishing this overview allows you to assess to what extent each component is (not) aligned with the whole, and what needs to be added (removed) to deal with internal blind-spots (false beliefs).
Actualising your inner philosophy: an exercise
To start, you’ll need at least 5 large sheets of paper and something to write with. Having a bunch of sticky notes can also help, as they let you rearrange things later on. If you prefer doing this digitally, I suggest using a whiteboard-style app like MiroBoard.
On top of each sheet, write one of the following words so you have a separate paper for each:
- Values
- Aspirations
- Principles
- Goals
- Habits
This way, you’ll have one sheet dedicated to each category.
First phase
In the first step of the exercise, start filling each sheet with as many items as fit into its category. This is the perfect time to use those sticky notes if you have them; they’ll make it easier to add thoughts as you go.
Values
Think about all the values that truly matter to you. A value is a strong belief that influences your choices and actions, showing what’s most important in your life. For now, don’t stress about how many values you list; just keep going until you feel you’ve captured the ones that really resonate with you.
Here are some guiding questions to consider:
- Reflect on a moment when you felt truly happy or extremely proud of yourself. Which values were you upholding at that time?
- What traits in others do you admire the most and desire to incorporate into your own life?
You might find it helpful to look up a 'value list' online. This can give you words that match your thoughts, making it easier to identify your values.
If you find something you value that doesn't quite fit any of the descriptions on a 'value list,' don't hesitate to get creative and come up with your own term for it!
I could not quite find a value that captured the idea of ‘positively touching someone else’s life.’ Borrowing from the word ‘ardency’ (which is derived from the Latin word ‘ardens,’ meaning burning, glowing, or passionate), I named this value ‘ardence.’ It’s not about lingual correctness. Anything goes as long as you understand what it means!
This is the first article in a two-part series where we focus on establishing the foundation of your inner philosophy. In the second article (click box icon to view), I elaborate how this foundation can help you acquire a stronger sense of self and provide guidance and direction for leading a more fulfilling life.
Aspirations
Next, let’s focus on defining our aspirations. It’s crucial to understand that an aspiration isn’t the same as a goal. A goal is a specific achievement you can reach, like finishing a language course, writing a story, or running a marathon. An aspiration, by contrast, is something inherently unattainable; it’s something you continually strive towards. This includes qualities like being independent, immaterial, kind, or fit.
For this part, jot down as many aspirations as you can think of! Here are some questions to help guide you:
- What qualities or states of being do you consistently strive for in your personal or professional life, even if they seem like a work in progress?
- Imagine your ideal self in five or ten years—what key attributes or ways of living define this version of you?
- What are the broader impacts or contributions you wish to make in your community or the world, recognizing that it’s a continuous journey rather than a final destination?
Since goals and aspirations can seem quite similar, it might be beneficial to blend this step with the next one. Whenever something pops into your mind, pause and ask yourself: "Is this an aspiration or a goal?" This can help you clearly distinguish between the two, ensuring each idea is categorised accurately.
Goals
As we delve deeper, our focus becomes more precise. Goals are tangible accomplishments that you can actually achieve.
Consider these questions:
- What achievement would make you feel proud or fulfilled if you accomplished it within the next year?
- Is there a specific challenge or event you’ve always wanted to take on, like running a marathon or learning a new language?
- What particular project or task have you wanted to complete but have been delaying?
- What goals are you actively working towards right now?
Principles
Principles are the core beliefs or rules that steer our actions and decisions. Write down as many principles as you aim to follow in your life. To help you start, here are some examples: “I do not eat meat,” “I do not yell at other people,” “I take full responsibility for my actions and their effects on others,” and so on.
These questions can assist you in identifying your principles:
- What are the non-negotiable rules or standards you wish to uphold, no matter the situation or outcome?
- Looking back at the most significant decisions in your life, what core beliefs influenced those choices?
- What ‘standards’ do you uphold in your relationships?
Habits
Think about the actions you believe should be part of your regular routine. This might include exercising, writing in a journal, or making a point to call a distant friend at least once a month. List as many as you can come up with!
Here are some questions to help you identify these habits:
- What daily or weekly practices are crucial for keeping up your health, productivity, or overall happiness?
- Reflecting on the last month, which habits have played a significant role in your sense of well-being and fulfillment?
- If you could start one new routine that you think would positively affect your life, what would it be?
By now, you should have a comprehensive list covering values, principles, habits, goals, and aspirations. In the next phase, feel free to refine, group, or separate some of the items you’ve listed. That’s perfectly okay!
However, before moving on to the next phase, I’d like to briefly touch on some of the theory behind what we’re doing.
Although the frequency of your habit (whether it's daily, weekly, annually, or ongoing) isn't crucial for this exercise, noting it down might be beneficial for later reference.
By now, you should have a comprehensive list covering values, principles, habits, goals, and aspirations. In the next phase, feel free to refine, group, or separate some of the items you’ve listed. That’s perfectly okay!
However, before moving on to the next phase, I’d like to briefly touch on some of the theory behind what we’re doing.
The hierarchy of your inner philosophy
As mentioned in the introduction, humans are intricate, complex, and deeply interconnected internally. While the previous exercises have led you to identify some ‘end-points’ of your persona, we’re now going to leverage this interconnectedness to fill in the blanks.
Here, it's fair to note that this method was inspired by Stephen R. Covey's concept of developing a 'personal constitution,' as presented in "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." However, in his book, Covey doesn't use a systematic approach or establish a clear hierarchy, which, as we'll see, can be incredibly beneficial in transforming the outcomes into a practical and powerful tool.
You might have noticed the significant overlap among the elements you’ve listed so far. This is a positive indication, suggesting that these facets of your ‘inner philosophy’ are, to some degree, aligned.
However, there’s a sort of hierarchy among these elements. At the base, we have the ‘what’: principles, goals, and habits, which represent the tangible beliefs we hold, the achievements we aim for, and the actions we take, respectively. Each of these should ideally support one or more of our aspirations, which define the person we want to become (‘who’). At the top, we have the ‘why’: the reason behind our desire to be that way. What values do we hold dear that drive these aspirations?
Although the connections between these elements might not always be as straightforward as described (for instance, a principle could lead you to adopt a habit that supports a goal), you should be able to link each item in one layer of the hierarchy to an element in the layer above it. This ability to draw connections is what gives this exercise its strength: it helps us discover our ‘blind spots’ and ‘false beliefs.’
A false belief emerges when an element, typically at the bottom of the hierarchy, doesn’t contribute to any element in the layer above it. This often happens when you’re pursuing a goal that reflects an aspiration imposed by your environment rather than something that aligns with your own values. A classic example is someone chasing a prestigious career mainly because of societal or family expectations, not because it’s what they genuinely value. Since the motivation behind these goals is mostly external, finding true fulfilment in pursuing them is likely to be unattainable.
On the flip side, there might be activities we engage in or beliefs we hold that provide a profound sense of fulfilment and authenticity, yet they don’t seem to fit under our defined aspirations or corresponding values. These blind spots could stem from various reasons, such as a lack of self-reflection or not having the right words to describe our feelings. Identifying these hidden aspects can unveil new possibilities in your life. Imagine the joy of realising that your interest in gardening is not just a hobby but deeply resonates with your core values of sustainability, nurturing, and growth!
Second phase
In this phase, everything will come together, meaning that you are going to try to connect each goal, principle or habit to at least one of your aspirations, and each aspiration to at least one of your values. I’ve included some visual examples to illustrate the steps.
To keep things organised, we first need to do some simplification of our values. If you’re like me, you’d have around 20+ values of which many seem quite closely related. Often, a large share of these values are ‘instrumental,’ i.e. they are a means to an end. For example, ‘honesty’ and ‘responsibility’ can both be instrumental to the core value of ‘trust.’
Your task now is to find out which values are your core values, and which are your instrumental values. It’s good to organise hem as ‘value clouds,’ where each cloud comprises a cluster of these instrumental values and one core-value that you think each instrumental value contributes to. Again, you’re free to ‘invent’ a value when you feel like none of them voices quite what you are looking for.
For instance, I discovered several values that all contributed to the concept of ‘growth.’ Consequently, this formed a ‘growth cloud,’ which was one of five value clouds that ultimately contributed to my central value: eudaimonia1 (such a ‘final’-value does not have to appear in your inner philosophy).
After organising your values into groups, the next step is to link your aspirations to at least one of these values. Ask yourself: Which aspiration allows you to live out which value?
While engaging in this part of the exercise, you might encounter one of two situations:
An aspiration aligns with multiple values. This is excellent news, indicating that the aspiration is deeply rooted in your inner philosophy. The more connections an aspiration has to your values, the more integral it is to your being.
An aspiration doesn’t seem to connect to any value. This discrepancy might highlight a blind spot or false belief in your self-understanding. When you encounter such an aspiration, it’s time for some introspection to determine if this is genuinely something you want for yourself, or merely something you feel you should aim for. This can be challenging to acknowledge, so approach it with kindness towards yourself:
- If you genuinely believe this aspiration reflects who you want to be, you may have overlooked a corresponding value. Identifying and naming this missing value can be enlightening, especially as you apply your inner philosophy practically, as explained in further readings.
- If you realise this wasn’t truly your aspiration, acknowledging this is just as crucial. Set it aside for the moment, but keep it in mind as you continue through this phase.
Here is the example for my case, with some of my aspirations connecting to another value, e.g. ‘empathy.’
Now, apply the same method to your goals, habits, and principles, linking each to the aspirations they support.
As before, you might encounter blind spots or false beliefs during this process. Use the approach previously described to discern whether these elements truly align with your own desires or if they’re influenced by external expectations.
Here I added a few goals, a habit and principle to one of my aspirations. Again, they can contribute to more than one. The more, the merrier!
Throughout the process described above, you may feel like you want to make modifications to the things you have done in the first phase. That’s completely fine! Developing the foundation of your inner philosophy is an iterative process, where the more iterations you go through, the clearer the picture will become.
Once you’ve established all the connections, take a moment to appreciate your effort; you’ve successfully laid down the first version of your inner philosophy. This accomplishment—though by no means a walk in the park—sets a foundation for guidance and self-reflection that can illuminate your path throughout life. It’s an initial step towards living with intention and purpose.
To understand how these insights can practically guide your decisions and actions you can read the second article in this two-part series, which you can find here. However, before diving deeper, ensure you’ve captured the essence of your inner philosophy in a format that’s easy to revisit and adjust. Whether it’s a digital document, a visual map, or a series of notes, having a tangible representation of this foundation will be invaluable as you apply these principles to your life and continue to refine your understanding of yourself.
While I did the exercise with papers, post-its and colourful pens, I collected the end-result digitally in Obsidian. I’m still happy with my choice due to the software’s flexibility and ‘graph view’ that generates a dynamic and interactive presentation of the selected components and their interlinkages. The software is free-to-download, you can go to their page by clicking this box's icon.
Footnotes
- The value of eudaimonia, rooted in ancient Greek philosophy and particularly associated with Aristotle, entails living in accordance with virtue and reason, achieving personal excellence, and fulfilling one’s potential in a way that contributes to the greater good. It emphasizes the importance of moral virtue, intellectual growth, and an active engagement in life's activities as the foundation for true happiness and a flourishing life. This concept goes beyond mere pleasure or material success, focusing instead on the holistic well-being that comes from living a life of purpose, virtue, and meaningful achievement.
