How can I unhook from unhelpful thoughts? Learn techniques to distance yourself from negative thoughts and improve your mental well-being.
Thoughts can be helpful. The previous chapter introduced several strategies to help you observe your thoughts. The next step is to identify whether they are useful. When you have a thought, you can ask yourself:
- “Is it an old thought and do I gain anything from listening to it again?”
- “If this thought guides my actions, will those actions improve my life?”
Ask yourself, “if I use this thought for guidance, will it help me to…”
- “be the person I want to be?”
- “do the things I really want to do?”
- “build a better life in the long-term?”
If the answer is “yes,” the thought is helpful. When it is “no,” it is not.
Exercise: unhooking by thanking your mind
Perhaps the simplest way to unhook is to ‘thank our mind.’ Whenever a thought pops up—helpful or not—we can respond with a sense of humour and playfulness. For example, you could think “Thank you, mind! How very informative!” or “Thanks for sharing!” or “Is that right? How fascinating!”
Do not do this in a sarcastic or aggressive way. That can pull you into conflict with your thoughts. We want to do this playfully, with warmth, lightness, and humour.
Exercise: unhooking by playing with text
Bring a thought to mind and let yourself get hooked by it. Then, either visually in your mind, or on an editor on your computer, play around with it. Change the format, space between letters, colours… This too can help distance you from your thoughts; they are merely words composed of letters.
Exercise: unhooking with silly voices
Find a self-critical thought and buy into it as much as you can for about ten seconds. Now, replay that self-judgment but in the voice of someone else. A cartoon character, politician, movie character, singer… Play around with a few different ones as you go. Again, you will find that you are no longer hooked by the thought to the same extent as before.
The techniques described until now can help you learn to unhook from your thoughts. Down the line, you will be able to unhook without the need for such contrived methods. For now, though, play around with the techniques and find one that works particularly well for you. When you do, keep these five things in mind:
- The aim is not to get rid of unpleasant thoughts. The goal is to see them for what they are—words—and drop the struggle with them.
- You will feel better when you unhook from a troublesome thought. But this is a beneficial by-product, not the main goal. Do not expect or desire it.
- You will forget to use the unhooking techniques—many times. And that is okay. Whenever you realise you are hooked, even when this happens much later, you can at that moment still apply the techniques.
- Unhooking will not always work. When it does not, drop anchor: acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, connect with your body, and engage in what you are doing.
- This is not some “quick fix” approach. You will experience profound change as long as you keep practicing consistently. It will, however, require patience and persistence.