How can I manage my thoughts effectively? This page explores the nature of thoughts and provides exercises to help unhook from negative thinking.
Like feelings, we cannot control our mind. Thoughts emerge from our sub-consciousness. We have no agency or control over them. Research shows that eighty percent of our thoughts have some negative aspect to them. Having negative thoughts, it seems, is more of a rule than and exception.
Thoughts are the mental form of speech or text. Together with images and memories, these comprise our ‘cognitions.’ Thoughts are often stories about how we see life. They include opinions, attitudes, judgements, ideals, beliefs, theories, morals, viewpoints, and assumptions. And from them, we conceive future prognosis, plans, goals, wishes, desires, aversions, and the like.
In ACT, we do not look at the truthfulness nor the attitude (positive vs negative) of the thought. We are only concerned with whether they contain something useful. In fact, trying ‘not to have’ negative thoughts by pushing them away or changing them is merely a ‘struggle’-strategy.
The reason this will not help you is because there is no ‘delete button’ in the brain. The brain changes by addition, not by subtraction. It changes by laying down new neural pathways on top of the old ones. That is the only thing we can work at, establishing new connections in our brain.
Negative thoughts can become problematic. For example, when we obey or accepting them as absolute truths. In such cases, we ‘fuse’ with our thoughts. They dominate our awareness to the extent we cannot focus on something else, or they dominate our behaviour in self-defeating ways. The latter often leading to self-fulfilling prophecies.
In some scenarios, it can even be useful to get hooked by our thoughts. For example, when we make plans or solve problems, or daydream during our summer vacation. Again, when ruminating helps us get closer to being the person we want to be, we should do it. In other cases, it is likely unhelpful.
Exercise: hands for thoughts
Imagine that all you enjoy in in front of you, as is all the unpleasantness of life. Then, open your hands in front of you, like a book, and imagine they contain all your thoughts, images, and memories.
Now, raise your hands to your face, until they are covering your eyes completely. What does the world look like when you peer out through the gaps between your fingers? This is what it is like to be hooked by your thoughts.
Lower your hands and look around you. What do you see and hear? This is what it is like to defuse from your thoughts. How would you experience others, and others experience you, when you can be aware of everything?
The overly helpful friend
Although it may feel very different, your mind is actually trying to help you. For example, by thinking through all potential future scenarios to prepare you for them. Or trying to learn from past events by going through them, over and over.
Similarly, judgements try to make the world black and white for easy navigation, self-criticism to help us to change our behaviour. Your mind is giving you all kinds of reasons not to do something, to spare you the pain or discomfort that might arise.
Under every thought is the intention to help us. Our mind tries to protect us, help us meet our needs and avoid pain, or alert us to important things that demand our attention.
Exercise: unhook from your thoughts
Recall an upsetting and recurring self-judgemental thought of the form “I am x.” Now focus on that thought and buy into it as much as you can for ten seconds.
Next, take that thought but, in front of it, insert this phrase: “I’m having the thought that I am x.” And then: “I notice I’m having the thought that I am x.” What happens? You can use this technique with any difficult thought that tends to hook you. Naturally, this goes for positive thoughts as well.
Exercise: unhooking with music
Again, bring to mind a negative and often-occurring self-criticism and buy into that thought completely. Notice how it affects you. Then, ‘sing’ the thought to yourself on the melody of happy birthday, or jungle bells. Does that change your experience?
By taking the thought and putting it to music, you experience its true nature. You realise that, like the lyrics of a song, it is nothing more than a string of words.
Exercise: unhooking by naming the story
Another way to unhook is to identify your mind’s favourite stories and give them names. For example, the “I am anxious”-story, or the “I can’t do it”-story. When your stories show up, acknowledge them by their name. Once you have acknowledged a story, just let it be.
Exercise: unhooking by naming the process
When you are plagued by multiple different thoughts, it can be more effective to name the process, rather than each thought itself. For example, “I’m noticing my mind worrying,” or even just “thinking.”
When you are overwhelmed by thoughts, it might be helpful to ‘drop anchor’ first. When you hear yourself say “this isn’t working,” recognise that as a thought as well!