You can summarise self-compassion as “acknowledge your pain; respond with kindness.” We acknowledge the pain as of a friend who was suffering. This is what we have been practicing in the past few chapters.
We can extend the naming convention we have developed by introducing notions of temporality. When we say, “here and now, I’m noticing anxiety,” it helps us remember that our thoughts and feelings change over time.
Kind self-talk
Kind self-talk means speaking to ourselves in kind, encouraging, and supportive ways. Remember, the brain changes through addition, not subtraction. We are not trying to suppress or ignore harsh self-talk. We are laying down new ones on top of them to bring in self-kindness.
Throughout the day, whenever difficult thoughts and feelings arise:
- acknowledge they are present,
- acknowledge it is painful or difficult to have them, and
- remind yourself to respond with kindness and caring.
To help with this, it is useful to have a simple catchphrase you can say to yourself. It should be short and memorable, for example: “this hurts, be kind.”
Kind actions
Self-compassion is also about what we do for ourselves. It is also about actions of kindness, caring, and support. These could include reading this book, stretching, savouring a coffee, eating healthy, exercising, practicing your unhooking skills, etc.
Exercise: kind actions
Take a few minutes to write down what acts of self-kindness you can do (1) in the next few hours, and (2) in the upcoming days. Over the next few hours and days, actually do these things. Notice what it is like to do so. Also notice how your mind tries to talk you out of it: what reasons does it give you not to? What rules does it impose on you?
